Why some black women prefer not to date some white men

Check out some of the commentary by professor M. Belinda Tucker regarding Ralph Richard Banks controversial book, Is Marriage for White People. She critique Mr. Banks assertion that Black women should date/marry outside of the race without talking about history, stereotypes/myths, and racism toward Black women by non Black people.

Here’s her take as well as anecdotal evidence on interracial relationships between Black women and White men. She spoke the about things that we as Black women thought for the last 60 years. Here’s the excerpt from the Interracial Marriage Symposium of 2011 by Council of Contemporary Families:

“Belinda Tucker (UCLA) agrees Black women are way of white men, but ties this to a history of white men’s attitudes towards them
“Our data from 21 large U.S. cities in 1996 showed that while nearly 90 percent of Black men would marry someone of another race, 71 percent of Black women also supported interracial marriage. When it came down to specifics, though, a differential reluctance emerged: only 57 percent of black women would marry someone who was white.*

“This reluctance to marry white men comes from a deep knowledge of this society’s historical and current views about Black women, especially in regard to those elements of self that are most vulnerable in romantic encounters-physical features and sexuality. Societal physical standards essentially the opposite of those possessed by most African American women are made abundantly clear in the skin color,hair texture, hip size, etc. glamorized in television programs, ads, and magazines. Media portrayals of Black women as either hyper sexualized or Big Mamas continue to encourage exploitative attitudes. When I was in high school in the 1960s, one of my white male classmates casually quoted his father’s assertion: ‘you cannot be a man until you split a black oak.’ That quote has Belinda Tucker (UCLA) agrees Black women are way of white men, but ties this to a history of white men’s attitudes towards them.

“Our data from 21 large U.S. cities in 1996 showed that while nearly 90 percent of Black men would marry someone of another race, 71 percent of Black women also supported interracial marriage. When it came down to specifics, though, a differential reluctance emerged: only 57 percent of black women would marry someone who was white.*

This reluctance to marry white men comes from a deep knowledge of this society’s historical and current views about Black women, especially in regard to those elements of self that are most vulnerable in romantic encounters-physical features and sexuality. Societal physical standards essentially the opposite of those possessed by most African American women are made abundantly clear in the skin color,hair texture, hip size, etc. glamorized in television programs, ads, and magazines. Media portrayals of Black women as either hypersexualized or Big Mommas continue to encourage exploitative attitudes. When I was in high school in the 1960s, one of my white male classmates casually quoted his father’s assertion: ‘you cannot be a man until you split a black oak.’ That quote has remained embedded in my consciousness, and I’m certain it has affected my assessments of the motivations of white men who pursue African American women.

‘Though Professor Banks may believe the continued loyalty expressed by African American women for African American men is misplaced, the enduring embrace of African American men establishes a boundary that is, at the very least, safe from societal rejections of Black womanhood (i.e., where standards of attractiveness and status are at least partially community defined). For, despite the near universal acceptance among Black men of interracial marriage, most married African American men have Black wives.’”

Why are some Americans are so eager to encourage Black women to widen out without counting the costs of doing so? Without talking about the painful history of interracial relationships in America?

S.B.

Abagond

Commenter Peanut on real reasons some black women prefer not to date some white men (based on her own experience):

  1. It is difficult for many white men to see black women as individuals, even when they prefer to date black women. Example: expecting all black women to be able to dance.
  2. Some white people tend to view the attractive, classy and intelligent black women they encounter as exceptions and exempt from being “regular black” by virtue of the fact that they do not conform to negative black female stereotypes.  Example: being called white girl in a black girl’s body, a chocolate-dipped white girl.
  3. Some white people forget that you are black and will say stuff without thinking in front of you. Too many examples to recount.
  4. Referring to black people who do not conform to mainstream (white society’s) expectations as “ghetto”.
  5. Attributing bad behaviour on the part of the individual…

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